Apathy
by snickers3339
Summary: Emotional emptiness... I knew I was being selfish. MxO tragedy.


**Disclaimer: **I think we've been through this enough.

**A/N: Gahhh-ness. Sorry. I'm stalling. I didn't forget about the stories though! :D**

**Dudes. I cried while writing this. Please do review, and tell me whether my writing skillz really have taken a turn for the worst. xD**

**It's all in Oliver's POV.**

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**Apathy**

--

I saw a memory of her face float back into my head, as I felt the agony sweep through me.

My life is a blank slate now. It's as if every line that had been connecting me to the world itself had been severed completely.

Not a single strand is holding me on it - And I'm floating..

Floating.. Into oblivion.

It wasn't supposed to turn out that way.

I still see it in my dreams.

It was September 28th.

It was the afternoon.

She was with me, and we were just going to the bank.

_Harmless._

After that, we'd be going out for a lunch, and that's where I planned to_ propose _to her.

It's all a blur after that - I still hear the screams, hers was the most significant to me.

I didn't care how selfish I was being - Those gunmen could have taken anybody - Except her.

But the universe has always hated me.

They had taken her - Held her against themselves, with their filthy, digusting hands.

And pressed that horrible instrument against her head.

I still see _the gleam of their teeth as they smiled at me evilly._

..._the glistening of her cheeks, as the tears rolled down._

..._my whole life crumbling down as it was._

I still smell _the sweat, the blood.. It was horrible.._

..._her scent - When it used to lie next to me._

_...the exact scent of the air.. Fresh.. Cool.._

I still taste_ her lips on mine.._

._..the blood in my mouth, from biting my tongue._

I still hear_ her soft cries.._

_...that__ banging sound._

_...the thud her body made._

_...the beeping of the machines, as they __finally got her back._

I still feel _the coldness of her hand.. And I how I thought she died._

_...the warmth after, when they brought her back.._

_...the crushing pain of the revelation that she'd never be the same.._

My life consists of memories now.

_Has been.. Was.. That time.._

It's a swirl of past tense participles, and that's all I feel my life will be.

An emotional emptiness of a life.

I feel no need to be in the present, when all my life has been locked up in the past.

Most people want to live in the present.. but right now.. The present isn't that great.

I let my attention fly back to where I am at the moment, which is at a Mental Institute.. Where _she's_ currently staying.

I wish I could say she recovered but she didn't.

The gun had gone off, yes - And it had bounced around her head -- Ultimately not _killing_ her, but destroying her, and leaving her with a blank mind - A complete loss of memory, with a minuscule chance of getting that memory or capability back.

My eyes focus more clearly, at the picturesque scene before me.

Right now, she's sitting in front of me, with her head turned, looking out the window. The slight sunset is shining across her face, highlighting the contours of her face.

My eyes and mind won't let my heart bask in the perfection as the adjust to the features around her. I can see the scar above her eyebrow, concealed by her hair now, which had grown back.

Nobody would have known the difference, if they hadn't seen the colouring books in front of her.

She's looking out the window, with a pair of binoculars in hand.

She's attentive.

There was the time when she looked at me like that - But she has no attention span now - It's like a child's.

"Miley," I try tentatively.

She looks at me for a fraction of a second, and looks back out the window.

"Yes?" she chirps happily, still looking.

"What-- What are you doing?"

"I'm looking at the bird."

"Really."

She takes that word, which was more of a statement, as a question, and nods.

"Yes.. It's a sparrow," she states proudly. She waves me over eagerly, with her eyes finally trained on me. They're different though... They're not looking at me with the same type of emotion they used to.

I hesitantly move over to sit next to her.

My nose crinkles.

She smells different - She smells too clean.. And her white clothing explains it.

I miss the natural, flowery smell she had.

She looks at me.

"Oliver? Are you okay?"

"_F-fine_," I breathe out, blinking. "Now what did you want to show me?"

She thrusts the binoculars at me, even though I can see the sparrow in plain sight.

"Look!" she squeals gleefully.

To humour her, I place them over my eyes. I focus on the sparrow, outlining all it's features. Suddenly, I find the binoculars getting blurry.

I pull it away, realizing that it was my own tears obscuring my vision, and hastily wipe them away.

"What's wrong?"

I sigh. "Nothing."

"Hmm." She nods, looking back out the window.

I frown. "Miley," I start. "Lilly misses you a lot." Lilly had stopped coming - But she sent her regards. She couldn't bear to see her best friend in this state - Where she barely remembered names.

I had come.. Just to see the love of my life - And it had payed off. She had remembered my name _at long last_.

_She_ frowns this time. "She just came by yesterday."

"I--" I want to tell her.. Tell her that the last time Lilly came by was 2 months ago. "I-- Just thought I'd let you know.." I finish lamely, looking down.

This is all my fault. I swear.

A tear falls onto my jeans, and I glare at it, hoping it'll give me a way out of this horrible life.

I know I should be more grateful - That she's living, and I can still see her.. But I'm not stupid. Everybody knows that she's got nearly no chance of remembering anything.

If I _hadn't_ gone out with her that day.. Maybe.. _JUST_ maybe, this wouldn't have happened.

I'll never have my Miley back..

My love..

My life..

I sit and observe her, just as she's observing the sparrow outside.

She grins, and turns to me, a strange, but now common blank look on her face. She tilts her head to one side, as if realizing I'm there.

"_There's a sparrow outside..._"

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_..._


End file.
